Watching the clock
Anxiety seeps in
Time ticks by me ever slowly
I dread waiting, for doctors, for things to happen, for traffic, for anything. I have anxiety. If I’m stuck somewhere, I panic. Even simple places like waiting on line for an author to sign a book. This happened to me recently. I should preface this with, I was just getting over being very ill and really wasn’t myself…
My daughter and I went to a book signing at the local book store. We were excited. We were going to meet one our favorite actresses and she’d be signing her new book. The time for her arrival was slated to be 6PM. We got there about 4:30PM, and were fifth in line! Around 5PM, they allowed us to journey downstairs, through the winding ropes, and take our places as we awaited her arrival.
My daughter makes friends easily, as she did this day. I had no idea what they were chatting about because by that time, the walls had started to close in. I am also claustrophobic, and we were backed up against a wall. It was 5:40PM. Only 20 minutes to go. Come on, Dorinda, you can do this. I couldn’t. I told Alyssa I was going upstairs to get some air. The truth is I was having a panic attack. I walked outside and really freaked. Running back in, I asked for the ladies room and quickly locked myself inside. Alyssa texted me with “What’s wrong?”. I told her. She was upstairs and by the bathroom before I could open the door. We left. No autograph. I was heartbroken thinking I ruined her day. But I have an amazing daughter. She told me, “It’s okay, Mom. I really just wanted to spend the time with you.”
Although I still feel horrible about her missing out, she made sure I knew exactly where I stood in her life. If not for my daughter and husband, I’m not sure where I would be today. I do know this. I am truly blessed…as long as I don’t have to wait.
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