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#mythoughts, dorindaduclos.com, feedback, Night Owl Poetry, questions, self-confidence, self-doubt, success, unsure, WIP, writing
It is after midnight, and as I sit here, mulling my progress in life, it hits me. I am exactly where I need to be right now. I never really saw myself as a writer. I always dabbled in everything else, but my writing, although many times I sneaked a write in my journal, was never taken seriously. My father-in-law, a published author, and English professor (may he rest in peace), once told me, after reading a story I had written, that I should be published. I laughed, secretly thinking he was nuts. Secretly, I was petrified!
Self-confidence, I’m not sure I know what that is. Oh, I know many people who have it. I am not one of them. Could this be why my WIP is sitting, waiting, growing old? Or is it me who is growing old? Maybe it’s both. This probably makes no sense to all of you who have put your works out there, to be read by hundreds, probably thousands. I don’t know about you, but every time I click publish, my stomach drops. Questions pop on a consistent basis. Will they like it? Will they hate it? Should I rewrite it? I really like this one, they’ll probably hate it. You get my drift.
So, the question remains, where do I find the self-confidence I need to complete the projects I set in front of me? I’d appreciate any and all feedback from anyone willing to lend some advice. Do you feel the way I do? Or am I just making myself crazy even thinking this way?
~ Dorinda ~
Night Owl Poetry - Dorinda Duclos 
Did not read all the comments but I’ve read a few saying you’re not alone, and I want to emphasize that again. What helped me is reading Steven Pressfield’s “The War of Art.” It goes on about self doubt is resistance, and you shouldn’t ever let resistance get the better of you. It’s a quick but powerful read, you can find free pdf’s of it online.
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Thanks for the info on the book. I’ll check it out!
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Hi! So I’m 15 and I love writing stories and reading novels.. I can totally relate to you when I write a story, I’m afraid that is it good enough? But the thing that gives me comfort is feedback, even if its not good enough, I know that somehow by the feedback I get I am improving. If this story wasn’t well written, the content had holes, my next one will be better. I want to try until I make it the best story that I can write.
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Good for you! You have many years ahead of you to fine tune your writing skills. Keep going!
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Hey Dorinda. I have had the same thoughts for years now. Then finally one day I decided to post what my heartfelt. I did not think I did not edit, I just posted it. The response I received took my breathe away. That’s when I decided to start a blog. I’m a newbie and look at the number of follow you have that should be boost enough for your confidence. And trust there are going to be people who criticise no matter what. So there is no point holding yourself back thinking about them. If you feel happy with your work and satisfied go ahead and publish it. I’m sure it will reach heights. 😀
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Thank you very much! I’m sure I will still have doubts, but maybe I’ll publish them, too 🙂
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I think there is an interesting phenomena going on for writers and other creative people who “fear failure.” I don’t believe it is the failure we fear, but the success. Everyone can relate to a failure. You will get all kinds of understanding, encouragement and other positive reinforcement when you “fail,” if there is such a thing. But what most of us fear is how we handle success. You will suddenly find out who is really a friend when you have gained success. And now that you will be successful, perhaps you will feel guilty when other of your really good friends are not yet successful (or perceive that they are not). And then perhaps there will be those who will strive to tear you down, piece by piece because they are jealous of your success. And perhaps all the things that go with success are things you are not ready for yet; right now you feel that you are struggling, but when you are successful, you will not be struggling. And you will be getting rewarded. And you will be in the public eye, sometimes perhaps more than you are ready for.
Listen, first of all, you are mistaken. You see, you are already successful, really. You can stop struggling because that is the safety net you are hanging onto. You ARE successful. The only failure really is the failure to even try. You have been, are currently, and will continue to be a success because you get up every day and do something toward what it is you want to achieve. It doesn’t matter how “well” you did it; you DID IT!!! And life is a learning experience every step of the way. As long as you have an opportunity to continue to learn, that is an opportunity for more success. You need to give yourself credit every single day and night for all that you have achieved in your life. You are not a nobody whom no one has ever heard of. You have made a reputation for yourself in many areas, and you will continue to do this because it is who you are. You have so much wisdom to offer others, and you know how to manage this blog in a way that gets lots of people from all over the world to respond; and you are SO respected in the community everywhere. Is that the mark of a failure? I don’t think so. You are successful and you will continue to be. Just don’t let anyone else tell you “how” to be successful or define what success means for you. It means what YOU want it to mean at any given time.
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Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for your kind words! And you’re right. I have to define success to myself. Awesome comment!!
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Self-confidence is the equivalent of breathing. Now,let me explain..
People in general have this inate driving force that gets us up in the morning. The will to survive. We strive for self-preservation at all costs. If that weren’t the case,the circumstances of the world and life in general would have us all “throw in the towel”. We believe we have worth.
Self-confidence is somehow finding a value in your existence. The thing is,it’s already there. Your basic need to survive is driven by the justification of your worth. They are linked together. To say you don’t believe in yourself is the equivalent of you thinking you have no worth,which goes against basic human INSTINCT.
Why don’t we believe in ourselves? The self-confidence is there,it exists. What happens is,there are so many other strong,outside and internal forces that “attack” your Self-confidence. Things like comparing yourself to others,the level of expectations people place on us and society’s overall judgement on everything creates fear and doubt within yourself. “Seeds” are planted within you mentally and their growth is determined by the amount of time you dedicate to them.
Self-confidence is believing you are worthy to live. This should come naturally but, believe its a “trained” way of thinking.
What do you do then? The simplest of things-live by your natural way of thinking. Which is-Your a decent human being who should be happy with yourself. That happiness comes out to the world and negates all the “bad stuff” that’s fed to you.
Like song lyrics to live by? This is one of my favorites-
“If I told you how to reach the highest high,you’d laugh and say nothing’s that simple”.-The Who
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John actually sent this to me privately but I asked him to share it here, because we all need to read this! Thank you, John, for being an amazing person and a dear friend 🙂
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Ha! Don’t know that you should be listening to someone who’s moniker is “The Reluctant Poet”. LOL! You need to write for yourself, for your own soul!! I love the quote – “Not everybody likes you, but not everyone matters!!” You have to accept that and make your creative work something you do for yourself and if someone like it then it’s frosting on the cake. Your work is a way to let the world and future know that you were here and had something to say!
Here is a post I’m reblogging tonight that speaks to your issue! If you stop thinking about someone other than yourself liking what you do. You will be happier and more creative!
xoxo
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Thanks, Chuck! Appreciate the thoughts, however reluctant they are LOL xoxo
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Dorinda, your Night Owl in flight
is a WordPress shining light.
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Thank you so very much, David 🙂
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You exude a contagious enthusiasm for the craft. I am often in awe of how your words flow; how you tirelessly (from my perspective) create. In a former life, I was a public speaker. I found after a while that I tired of my own voice. As a teacher, I would question my approach, always self-criticize. As a blogger, I find the same doubts creeping in. Is my audience bored? Do they glaze over when they see yet another poem from me? How can I keep my work fresh? A director once told me: “Once you lose your nervous edge, you lose your craft.” I guess it applies here too.
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I love this! So, never lose your nervous edge. Now that I can relate to!
Thank you so very much, V.J. Your words mean more than I can possibly relate through a computer screen. Know that I am beaming, ear to ear ❤
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You are so welcome, my friend.
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I think part of it is gaining self-confidence the other part is acceptance. Accept that there will always be people, critics who usually cannot do what we can and so they tear us down, who will not like your work. Bad reviews will happen. You have to accept it so that the fear of negativity does not paralyze you. And also accept that there will be people who support you, and support your work! Just put pen to paper and see what comes out
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Thanks KaylaAnn! I guess we have that fear of negativity at some point in our lives. I just need to work on positivity now 🙂
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Reblogged this on Plaisted Publishing House and commented:
I find my self confidence is here behind the computer. The only time it is public is if i’m comfortable with the people around me or if i’m pushing myself. I tend to be quiet in a group and loud when i’m one on one. I’d love to have real self confidence.
Now is the time to build it. When i get hit by a negative i try and find the positive within. Generally it works.
Good luck 🙂
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Thanks so much, Claire! And thank you for reblogging! ❤
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Welcome Dorinda
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Oh D, you are magnificent. Let your words fly knowing they will reach their intended targets. You gift is needed in a world lacking imagination❤️
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You are so good for my ego! Thank you, sweet Rita! You and your words mean the world to me ❤
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You have everything you need to succeed! Keep going for it ❤️
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Love you ❤
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Love you right back 😊
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Hai,
Once I was also in the same mind condition. Later I found the path. That was,
If I published some lines, first massive thing is I published something, its an unique thing. its not an easy thing for all. May be some will like and some will dislike. I cant satisfy all people. A big thanks for likes and dislikes. After all the source of dislikes visited my lines. Thats a big thing.
Now I can hear my typing sounds like an endless flow of a river. I have a little followers and readers. I am happy with it.
So keep writing.
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Thank you very much!! I will keep writing! 🙂
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I have the same thoughts and am also trying to locate self-confidence.
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I hear ya, Amber. Maybe it’s really there all along, we just need to wake it up!
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Write like no one will ever read it! Write like it is for yourself only! Write like it won’t
matter if someone does read it, whether they like it or not! Write for the joy it brings you! Then, put one foot in front of the other, (while hearing your father-in-law’s words)
and go to a publisher. Put that t-shirt in a 📦 marked “WAS” and hang a new t-shirt
that says: “Strong….Worthy….Confident….Believe….Talented….Ability…Inclusion…
Certain…Capable….
It doesn’t matter who else believes in you, it must come from inside of you! 💟
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I love you, Cookie! ❤
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It’s about risk isn’t it. I would never have published anything up to and including my 30s because I didn’t want to risk finding out it was rubbish. But later I realised it didn’t matter if others thought it was. I wouldn’t move on if I didn’t end the dabbling by publishing and if anyone wants to diss it then meah. Part of my problem was a sense that writing wasn’t an adult pastime if it wasn’t done by a professional and yet to be professional meant you had to write and ask others to look at it. We all start somewhere. By now you’ve published heaps here and you have received tonnes of positive feedback that isn’t your mum writing under a set of pseudonyms. So what’s holding you back? You of course. Nothing else. The world won’t eat you if you put your wip out there. You might not win the Booker but you’ll be a winner if you do. You just have to get past this imposter syndrome. Technically it’s called bollocks.
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You made me laugh! “positive feedback that isn’t your mum writing under a set of pseudonyms” That’s simply the best! Thank you for your kind advice 🙂
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Best of luck… I look forward to reading it!
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Any creative person has self-doubt. I think one has to begin by creating for oneself. If you like it others will. At least, some 🙂
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Thanks, Derrick. I admire your work so much. Did you go through this when you first started out?
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Kind of. But, as I had started on Facebook and had received positive encouragement to go to WordPress it seemed OK. The bigger impact of self-doubt was not believing that my art-work would be good enough for book illustration, which is what, as a teenager, I would have liked to have done. Thanks for the compliment, Dorinda
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Goodness where to start. I guess the minute you put anything out there you open yourselves up the saying hey look what I’ve done isn’t it great and everybody says not really it’s actually quite rubbish. That’s an extreme perhaps but that is what you expose yourself to and it’s always nerve racking. I’m sure there are people who are massively confident in everything they do but I don’t know many of them and I think we all suffer in that way. I know people say you should write for yourself but ultimately somebody will had to read it and we always want people to love stuff as much as we do and inevitably they might not.
I don’t think I have any useful advice on the matter but sometimes just acknowledging creality kind of helps.
Every time I get a like or comment I’m quite surprised . Perhaps fix skin and the blind determination I don’t really know but I am always impressed by people who are so massively confident in whatever they do and quite often with no basis in reality. Must be a good way to be.
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I might have to try that, no basis in reality! You actually had very useful advice. don’t doubt yourself 😉
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It’s worth a try 🙂
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lol you never know
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™ and commented:
You have talent. TONS of talent. You don’t need self confidence. Your amount of talent is a gift and with all gifts, just get out of the way and allow your gift to do what all gifts do…give to those who need your gifts. You are a writer…..in every sense of the word “writer.” Ms. DD, just do what you do, when you do it, how you do it. The rest is all gravy,,,,baby.
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Wow! Thank you so, so very much, dear friend!! You have brightened my day. ❤
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You brighten our days with your talents, Ms. DD. Never kneel to self doubt. Ever.
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❤ ❤ ❤
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