Tag Archives: Brooklyn

My Two Dads

03 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by in Death, Life, Love, My Thoughts

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In October I shared my story of the three women who inspired my life, Me, Myself & I.  Now I’d like to share my story about the two men who inspired me.  They’re both gone now, but they will never be gone from my heart.  The things they instilled in me will live on as long as I do…and beyond.

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Meet Frank, my dad, affectionately known as Sonny Boy. Manhatten born and raised, his dream was to be a New York Yankee.  He had an incredible love for baseball.  He even tried out for the team but didn’t make it.  My mom always tells the story of how my dad played stick ball hours before their wedding and hit a homerun.   A Navy veteran, he was always joking, always willing to help out our neighbors, fighting for equality, at a time when such a thing was unheard of.  I am my father’s child.  He taught me how to bowl, how to ride a bike and how to hit & catch a baseball.  I learned a great deal from a man who spent his adult life driving a truck, and later fighting for his life as one of the first recipients of triple bypass heart surgery.  My dad & I had our ups and downs and we stopped speaking to each other for three years, right after my parents divorced.  I was 21 when he contacted me again.  What a wave of emotions.  I don’t think I could put them into words. But it was the best thing to happen for both of us.

The holidays are the hardest time for me.  Dad passed away the morning of December 31, 1985, just five short months after I married, just hours after I said I would call him to wish him a Happy New Year.  Even today, when the phone rings, I expect to hear his voice on the other end, with his cheerful “Hello There!”  I’m blessed that he was able to walk me down the aisle, and dance with my mom one more time.  I’m thankful that Neil & I spent a week with him for part of our honeymoon.  I regret that my children never got the chance to meet him but I make sure they know everything about him.  I see him in them every day.

I miss you, daddy, more & more with each day that passes…

Meet Donald, dad number two.  When I lost my dad, Don stepped in and made sure I didn’t lose my way.  Born in Cohoes, NY, he was the scholarly son.  Making his way through the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, dad received his PHD in English and later became a published author on the life of William Faulkner.  An English professor at Paterson State College, which later became William Paterson College and then University, he spent his teaching career in the English department, at one point as the department chair.  And boy could he cook!  When he wasn’t doing the English thing, you could find him working at his second passion.  Luckily, that rubbed off on his son 😉

We lost Don on November 4, 1988, on Neil’s birthday.  Jonathan, our son, was blessed to have had his Pop Pop Don for a short 18 months.  What I’ll remember most about Don is that he always encouraged the best in people, including me.  When I showed him a piece I had written many years ago, a children’s story, he told me I should be published.  I laughed, taking his comments half-heartedly.  And yet I find myself doing exactly what he told me I should be doing.  Writing.  I hope I make him proud.

So you see, from November through December, our lives could be very solemn.  But they’re not.  We celebrate these two men and everything they gave us. They couldn’t be more opposite of each other but both have had an incredible impact on my life.  I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

Thank you for reading….it’s a personal side to me that I don’t often share beyond my closest family & friends.  But I felt I needed to let others know how grand having two dads really is.

Now you’ve met the five most influential people in my life.  My wish is that you, too, have at least one of these souls to enrich your life…to guide you.

Me, Myself & I

20 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by in Life, My Thoughts

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I was born in October of 1960, in Passaic, NJ.  I didn’t make it easy.  No way.  I was born breech.  Yep, I started out life by mooning the world.  Mom should have known at that point that I would be trouble.  I spent the first two plus years of my life in the East New York section of Brooklyn, NY.  Mom & Dad lived & worked in NJ and I was raised by my maternal grandmother, and my aunt Dee, who is really more like a sister to me.  We are only ten years apart.  I saw my parents on the weekends.  It was how it had to be.  They needed to work to give me a good home.  I didn’t understand that then but as I grew older I learned to appreciate all they sacrificed for me.

Eventually, we all moved to NJ,  Nana, Dee, & me, into the house Mom & Dad had just finished building.   I was very lucky to have three strong women in my life.   Let me tell you about them.

Nana.  Rose Marie.  A seamstress in New York’s garment district, I credit her for who I am today.  She was a no nonsense woman who told it like it was.  I didn’t get away with anything.  In fact, none of us did!  I tried to pull a fast one, on a day I didn’t want to go to school.  We walked to school, never had to worry that some stranger would take us, and so I walked.  And when I got there, I turned around and walked back home.  I knocked on the front door.  Nana opened the door and asked why I was there.  Now, being four years old, you’re not always smart enough to realize you need an excuse!  I blurted out the first thing I could think of…. “They didn’t have a hanger for my coat”.  I got the raised eye brow and the mmmhmmm and was turned around and told to go back to school.  She closed the door behind her.  Now you may think that sounds cruel, but it wasn’t.  She taught me a lesson.  One…don’t lie, you’ll get caught.  Two, take responsibility for your actions.  She was the most loving, warmhearted human being I’ve ever known and I miss her more & more with every passing day.

My Mom.  An amazing woman, who wanted nothing but the best for her family.  A hard worker, she began her career in a bank, because, she says,” I didn’t want to be the stereotypical secretary or teacher”.  Back then, those were the options for women.  After the bank, she worked for the same company for 42 years, retiring as their VP of Finance.  I am an only child.  I was not spoiled.  I was taught that if I wanted it, I had to earn it.  When I graduated high school, I was told college or get a job.  I chose the workforce, beginning my 20 year career as a pharmacy technician, eventually starting my own successful business.  In between, I went to school at night for computer science.  Mom wouldn’t hear of a student loan and so she fronted me, telling me I better finish what I started.  I graduated with honors, 2nd in my class.  Her gift to me…the loan was paid in full.  To say I admire this woman’s strength and perseverance would be an understatement.  She’s still a tough cookie but she’s softened over the years, especially were her grandchildren are concerned.

And last, but certainly not least, Aunt Dee.  We never called her that.  She was always Dee Dee, Dee, Denyse, simply because she really was so close in age to me and all of my cousins.  I have always considered her my sister.  She was, and is, there for me more times than I can count.  Always ready to lend a hand, help with a project, do my hair just right, oh yeah, and as she likes to remind me, swing me up on her shoulders and sing “here she comes, Miss America”.  Today, she is battling Multiple Sclerosis.  She is my inspiration as I battle MS’s cousin, Transverse Myelitis.  She’s the proof that you should never give up fighting.  Life hands you battles, you have to be the one to win…

These three women molded me into the confident person I am today.  The no nonsense individual who does not put up with any crap from anyone.  I stand my ground but I am also aware that, at times,  it may be necessary to say I was wrong, and I’m not afraid to do that. To simply say thank you to them is not nearly enough.

….and that is my story….for now.